Suddenly, after a fairly flat and boring landscape, at the turning of a bend, the spectacular view of secular pines and a lash fern underwood shook me out of the half asleep half awaken state I had fallen into since boarding the taxi in Barnaul and starting the journey towards Altai. Altai, the land of the oldest shamanism on Earth, throat singers and, for me, the land of the Master from the Golden Mountains, my spiritual Master and guide! I had been courting the idea of venturing on this journey for a few months. For a few months, I had felt the need of taking a step forward in my spiritual life: a step forward in commitment, trust, believe and love, a step forward in my determination of sharing with others the secret of my changes and of my maturing into a greater understanding of the meaning of my life, a step forward towards greater awareness, inner freedom and happiness…..For a few months, I had increasingly felt the need to be closer to the Master, to move within His energetic field, to become more open to His silent messages, to His voice guiding my body, heart and mind to attune with my soul. I had grown impatient about finally discovering my mission on Earth, my true expression, my true inclination, my true mandate and mission as, in spite of having had a very interesting life, where I thought I had grown in personal expression,  I had come to realise that, in reality this, of late, bored and tired me. Like a blind kitten, I had lived all my life looking and searching, thinking of having found my true self and its perfect expression, only to fall into disappointment and a sense of great futility, accompanied by the sad realisation that my eyes (and efforts) could not pierce the thick veil of illusions and self delusion. In addition, in spite of having encountered various masters, I had become so tired of false masters (there seems to be a great collection of these out there!) that  lately I had come to the point of thinking that spirituality is an invention and that, maybe, there are no soul, God, spirit and maybe not even the true ‘I’. 

So, I am going to Altai to see my Master, the person who has made it possible for me to see that a soul’s journey is neither a utopia nor a fairy tale sold by clever charlatans only in order to fill up their pockets. He has shown me that the soul’s journey is a tangible reality. I know this because I am living it through my body, my emotions and my intellect, I know this because, in just a couple of years, my whole world vision and the way I conduct my life, the way I operate in my relationships, in my business, in my social life is fuelled by a new understanding that surely and inevitably turns into a transforming life practice ... Yes, my Master has given me the practical tools to go on this spiritual journey of self discovery: I can see, touch, feel and think what before I could never even imagine existed.  He teaches me how to change reality, how to change my point of perception, how to shift my angle of vision several times in the same situation, so to be able to catch its infinite aspects, how to make heart, mind and body work together, as if in a harmonious symphony.  He is also teaching me how to use my body as a source of energy and how to change my feelings and thoughts, so that I can appreciate life again and again, charge it with vitality, in spite of the many falls into darkness and negativity…

In the first few days, I felt You my Master, very close to me. You were in the leaf dancing in the racing waters of a mountain river, in the flight of wild birds, in unusual flowers, in the cloudy sky of the blue hour, in every man and woman I saw on my way….  You were everywhere I was willing to see and feel You. You could take on millions of shapes and forms, You had the voice of the waterfall and the sudden squeak of the eagles above my head, You were the sound of the wind in between the trees and the silence of the lake at night. You were the twinkle of the night sky and the bright sun that warms up my body….You were each person in the circle mediation, when suddenly the pulsation in the hands turned into a pulsation of hearts and, then, into the pulsation of one heart, as if we all had become one body with single heart beating in our middle.  That day, a deep sense of peace filled up the whole of my being, tears of peace, forgiveness, recognition and understanding surged into my eyes, every moment I thought of You and called for You, whilst I struggled in the battle between the old and the new, between my inner prison and my call for freedom within; whilst I fought against criticising and withdrawing, against the temptation of giving up. “My Master, when I am weak, distracted and lazy, do not let my hand go!!! Hold me tight, do not abandon me when I cheat and when I hide!!! Please, stay next to me!” Tears streamed down my cheeks and my whole being opened up to the world, so much so that, suddenly and imperceptibly, I realised that I could understand the jest of what was said around me, even without interpreters…. I did not know what each word meant, yet I could perceive what was said around me, as if I were inside the rhythm of the words, as if these were nothing else but the voice of my own being…

The night You came, You stood there, enormous, in the middle of the room, a dark figure against the very dim light, a figure praying in the night. I opened my eyes to catch Your features and I soon realised that this was the action of someone with limited understanding.  “What am I looking for? What does it matter what You look like, when Your energy emanates into the room in hot and cold waves, when it can melt my heart and lead me so close, so close to tears, soft and gentle tears, warm tears that feel like the kind stroke of a soft and gentle hand?”  A tender, childlike hand placed a stone in my palm, gently folding my fingertips….Immediately, I was on a journey, in a land of clean, bubbling water that came up from the bottom of a pool, in which all the colours of the rainbow were woven together. My hand played with them as if trying to catch each ray, lift it up from the water and give it back to the sky….  Colourful pebbles shined, their reflections swinging left and right under the small waves my hand caused. I love water….Who tells me “Stop!! This is crazy, there is no water and there is no rainbow! You are imagining, you are a liar, you are crazy!!!!” I could hear my mother telling me that I was a dreamer and a liar, to put my feet firmly on the ground and stop the nonsense. Everything vanished into thin air, no pool, no colourful sunrays, no pebbles, no playing, no joy….My hand held the stone, gently, but firmly: “This is real, though, this is the materialised energy of the Master, of the whole universe! I have it in my palm, I carry in my hand the condensation of the Universe’s energy on Earth. I carry in my hand the fruit of all materialisations.” I thought, finding refuge, as usual when I am not allowed to just be, in a rational explanation that compensates for the ‘fantasies’.  I noticed this process and made a mental note.

Suddenly, I realised what these days were all about.  I was challenged to stay in a state of inner and outer silence and observe my process: what went on in my being, what kind of reactions I had towards a given situation, how many readings could I give of the same thing, where did I take my information from? How many solutions and reactions did I have? Which voices were dictating their credo inside of me???? How did I end up reacting in the end? I simply made mental notes, whilst trying not to react. In between the inner and outer silence (caused by being exposed to a foreign language I did not know). I was challenged to stay away from my safe world of words and go one step behind the surface of dictionaries: precisely this silence, this break from rationality plunged me into the field of  both the unknown and of sheer perception, so that I could see beyond form and matter, feel the impalpable, overcome tangible impressions and go beyond them into the realm where energy talks its truthful language, with greater clarity, precision and creativity than any words could ever do. This manifested in the goblins leaving our bodies in the sauna, where we massaged our legs, faces, arms, bellies with herbs freshly gathered in the woods by the young woman – both witchdoctor and fairy like -  and sung mantras in the cloudy heat that melted all resistances, that cleaned up our bodies, emotions and thoughts, leaving me feeling light, weightless, with a full heart and a quite mind……

This was my journey to Atlai: a journey I should recall often to grasp the essence of my being, when I get lost in the battles of everyday’s living, in the trivia of idiotic habits, mechanisms and inner contradictions, a journey whose special taste, fragrance and colour I should often recall, so that I can meet You again, feel You again in my heart, away from everyday’s words, so that my eyes can tear in the recognition of Your features in everything, so that I can again wave the colours of the rainbow in a pool of limpid water and materialise everyday’s changes and transformation into a promise, made to  others, that can help them to see beyond all appearances,  this path of truthful love and rejoice with the thousands  amazing gifts this path has to offer….

Namaste and thank You!