As well as many other modern women, when I was 35 I had been through several sexual experiences and I had had many partners. I wasn’t shy about my sexuality, but I wasn’t happy in my relationships. I had been married twice and also separated twice, and I was not very well off either, although I worked hard in different places.

I did not have the key to these problems, but inside of me, I felt things could be different.

One day, some people from Siberia arrived to my city. They were healers, Masters of Tantra who didn’t live in a common way.

The day before our meeting I had the most realistic dream. I was cleaning up my house and whilst moving some furniture, I got stung by a poisonous spider on my finger. And that’s how it ended, it was a mystery if I managed to get rid of the poison or not.

When I had the meeting with the Tantra Master everything was under a magical atmosphere. Maybe the place of the meeting was quite usual, but as soon as I stepped in I felt myself like out of this world. It was that kind of person that looked directly in the eye, in a very deep way but without making me feel invaded, just in a soft unusual manner. I told him about my dream and he said he knew about it. The spider is the animal that lives in the lower belly of many women, in the second chakra, and it feeds upon their sexual energy and their happiness, contaminating their relationships. I wasn’t at least surprised by his words, because it was clear to see that my relationships were, as a matter of fact, contaminated.

He suggested for my healing a special Tantric ritual, which he expounded deeply. The things he said were incomprehensible for my understanding, I didn’t know of any healer that worked that way. But his openness and his clarity revealed no hidden intention, except concerning my health. There was kindness in his eyes and a sense of  purity that was far beyond the average people.

The ritual was quite expensive, but, as I understand, the main transformations in our life are possible only with developing ourselves and being healthy, because all in our life depends on how we feel. So I agreed.

It was a very hot day and the place where we were was perfumed by incense. A soft light came from the candles and there was a cosmic music playing. Before starting he entered in the states of pray, and he sang some special Mantras. He was completely concentrated in what he was doing, and I could feel how a new level of energy was coming down on him. The whole room was filled with love and protection; it felt as if I was in nest.

We started out uniting our breath. One in front of the other, first both breathing intensely and then my exhale was inhaled by his mouth, and I inhaled his. We quickly got into the same rhythm.

My Kundalini energy, as soft warm waves in my lower belly, started to awaken and rise, filling me with heat and opening my entire body to a state of passion. When I felt a strong need of contact I closed up my body against his and our lips started to caress. We started to communicate telepathically and the whole ritual became a beautiful and harmonious dance.

His energy was extremely masculine, I had never met such a kind before, but it was not aggressive or overwhelming.

From that ritual I obtained one of the highest experiences of my whole life. It opened me to a new vision and understanding of what love is, I could have never even dreamt about.

Since that encounter, slowly, step by step, all the programs of suffering, attachment and dependence in my relationships faded away. He showed me what no book can teach, beyond theory; it was an initiation to complete love.

For the first time in my life I was with a real tantric man, and this is a totally different experience from those men without development, and even with those who call themselves tantric.

In the past, some of my partners had been studying Tantra, and they called themselves tantric. They had great control of their ejaculation and did different practices of Kundalini meditation or Chi Kung. After the ritual I was able to understand they were merely interrupting their ejaculation in a sort of mechanical way, but they were not tantric, they didn’t have this state, the state that I had never before felt in man: the highest and most developed love, detachment and consciousness.

After the initiation I understood Tantra as the highest possible experience of love and devotion between 2 people.

With the Tantra Master, for the first time, I felt a man touching me without taking anything away from me. I understood that all the men that had touched me before, created dependence in me, as if they spread a sort of tentacles on me making me  prisoner. So I also realized that was the cause of my sense of emptiness after every encounter, and that’s what made me desire anxiously new encounters... to be able to fill that hole, but then I also felt unhappy when the meeting did not take place.

I had the unique experience of being with a man that didn’t put any tentacles on me, who didn’t create illusions or dependency; simply immersed in the present, absolutely.

Imagination and fantasies concerning sex disappeared from my mind. For the first time they were too insignificant comparing to what was going on in reality.

In spite of not understanding, I could feel his energetic field was very big, and I could perceive it penetrating all my levels, as if all of my senses were being filled. Afterwards I comprehended he had developed all of his chakras, so during the ritual, his were all active and connected  to mine, giving them the energy they needed. Most common people have only 2 or 3 chakras open, and usually they only activate the sexual one during the relation, making it quite limited. Through special practices and the guidance of a developed person like him, one may attain the activation of all the centres. During our ritual, which was at a time extremely passional yet sacred, he sang Mantras, he cooled my burning body with his drum, I could sense his state of prayer full of love... He also gently caressed my whole body; we looked in each others eyes, without identification. He was a soul, God, and so was I.

The experience revealed to me very clearly that I was also a prisoner of terrible programs. I too, whilst being with a man, created illusions with them, tentacles and attachment. I understood how in the past I had never really loved my partners; somehow I was just using them to feel loved and desired, for loving and desiring... And now, for the first time in my life I was living the pure love, like truly innocent kids. And this was completely clear in me, no one told me about it, I didn’t study it in no books, I was understanding without words, because it was the real knowledge transmitted in a practical and energetical way.  Not a word or theory about Tantra, but the real tantric experience.

The sensation of freedom was unbelievable.

At a time I could feel his impersonal love, respect and acceptance. The marvellous and unique sensation of being seen by a man, neither as a doll nor a projection of his mind. I did not have to carry out his wishes to be loved by him. He was in real contact with me. We were completely united, giving each other our souls, as God and Goddess, not as mere personalities, without creating dependency. And it was his energy that lifted me to this supernatural state and comprehension. This was absolutely clear for me; his high energetic level was supporting me and carrying me to this elevated state.

During the ritual my soul was in complete happiness and, as said in many books, my energy flowed free up my spine till the top of the head,  and at the end I was a bit dizzy, delightfully dizzy, even after hours had passed from the ritual, because a great karmic cleaning had occurred.

Thanks to his permanent state of love and detachment, when we said goodbye I did not feel the need of seeing him again, not either the fear of loosing him as it generally occurred to me. I was prepared for never seeing him again; none of the tentacles of dependency or illusion that destroy and make suffer the couples had been created. For the first time in my whole life I felt completely fulfilled, and I was able to understand  the true meaning of a relationship between a man and a woman.

After that experience many other things in my life changed, at a speed I couldn’t bare. Specifically, the 2 next days I felt exhausted and just wanted to sleep, so I did.

After I woke up many miracles started to happen. Step by step I observed how the programs of suffering from the past and from my past lives started to disappear.

The first miracle was my financial situation improved just one week after the ritual. I doubled the number of clients in one week. I understood that was because my energetic blockades disappeared, and the blockades that did not allow more clients to come also faded away, and more of them showed up. I got back the money from the ritual very quickly, and much more, so I was able to pay back many debts I had accumulated and little by little my situation improved in a way that now, to travel to places of power for my development, such as Altay, is no longer a luxury, its something I can enjoy many times a year.

Amazingly, during the two months after the ritual I met some of the most significant partners I had had since I was 15. Some of them had been out of the country, but had felt the impulse to call me. And all of them, with different words, called me to tell me how thankful they were, that I had been important in their lives, that they had received things from me that till today had been useful to them and that they had loved me truly. Those words cleaned my soul deeply. I was an insecure woman and most of the time I had not felt loved by my partners, I felt I had been abandoned by them; so after those revelations I saw how wrong was my perception of life and how that perception had caused such damage and harm in me. And now, once my programs had been destroyed by the tantric ritual, God was showing me the truth.

In the physical level my menstrual cycle turned very stable: each 28 days, 3 days of blood, without pain. Mi body rejuvenated, the strain on my face disappeared and my skin and eyes were shiny as if I was a teenager. This made me prettier and more attractive. Many men felt a new energy in me, fresh and feminine that seduced them.

My vitality was renewed in such a way that I could sleep less and feel much better than before.

Of course I was also doing all the exercises the Master recommended me: pranayama, dance and yoga.

Before my initiation I had many fears, due to my high sensibility and the spider that lived in my lower belly...but they simply disappeared, step by step, as my sexual energy was cleansed and started circulating correctly thanks to practices I kept on learning at the seminars. I was developing all my energetic centres and learning how to fill them on my own, leaving behind all feeling of dependence...

In the energetic level, I started to have experiences I had only read about in the past. Experiences I knew only Yogis or very special people had. For instance, I had my first spontaneous rising of Kundalini. I was walking in a park when the wind blew stronger and I felt how it caressed me gently. A kind of quietness surrounded me. I kept on walking, like transported to another reality where I felt fulfilment and happiness, and I could see beauty wherever I looked. It was like a state of grace. The wind caressing made me enter a state of passion. For the first time I felt the Earth beneath my feet as a huge living creature, pulsating, and I felt a marvellous sense of love and unity with all that surrounded me. Then, suddenly, I felt the wind coming into my yoni, like a penetration, and it went right up my spine giving me a complete state of ecstasy.

This kind of experience transformed me even deeper, I understood Tantra does not only apply to men but to the whole universe, and we may be fulfilled at any time. The fear of being alone without a partner vanished.

Another miracle I observed in the next six months after the initiation was I could feel the hand of the Tantra Teacher on my right shoulder all the time. There was nobody there I could see, but his presence was so real it was almost physical. I couldn’t by any chance feel lonely, although in the past I had suffered so much because of that feeling. And if at any moment I felt in need, even though he was far away, in another country or another city, he would call me, as if he knew, and somehow I felt supported by only hearing him or by receiving some spiritual advises. I felt him during many months taking care of my development, till the moment I finished my initiation and could be left “alone”. I learned that in the way of Tantra, connexion with the partner is not limited to the physical encounter… it is a continuous connexion by which both can feel each other all the time, without feeling anxious or dependant.

Many tantric rituals followed, once I continued to develop myself in this way, and through them I have reached a state of self-sufficiency, more energetic sensitivity, detachment and balance. Many magic experiences have taken place, sensations, and revealed mysteries. I have seen how the universe was created, I felt my third eye opening like a lantern, I’ve swept away once and again the prisons of the past.

To avoid cheaters, now that so many people call themselves tantric, I must tell you a real tantric man, like the Teachers I met, do not have self interest, they don’t take anything for themselves, they show the way of Tantra for the women’s development, not for satisfying their instincts or personal desires. It is a ritual to heal women from the negative spirits of attachment, dependence and jealousness. This is the reason by which I never felt with them any kind of abuse, even when I couldn’t understand completely what they were doing and if it was permitted or not to do it. I asked myself some times: is this a sin? Will this be a way of using me sexually? But I could clearly see they were giving me something extraordinary and priceless, so I kept on forward. Afterwards I have learned this is the way Tantra is taught. It cannot be through books that give no energy or understanding. It is transmitted personally. And Tantra, as well as Yoga or Taoism, is a way that leads you to perfection, to unconditional love, happiness and enlightenment.

The sexual education we receive in our culture is generally limited to the biological teachings at school, and pornography in magazines and films. All of this is because we have lost contact with knowledge. And it’s easy to understand why nowadays there are so many sexual dysfunctions. Kilos of literature yet still so many people without feeling pleasure from the sexual experience and even less consider it as something transcendent. So many cold women and so many men with premature ejaculation or impotence.

Another visible result in Tantra relation is the feeling that remains afterwards. It’s quite common that women after normal sexual intercourse with men, have the feeling of wanting more and more physical contact, and even if this physical contact is frequent, they don’t feel satisfied. This occurs because social men, generally, when they touch a woman, they are not completely present for they are asleep in their illusions o thinking only in their own interest. So that makes their touch mechanic. They are not giving anything to the woman, and they think they are feeding themselves but hunger does not disappear. When I carried out Tantric rituals with the Teachers from Siberia, a single touch or a glance were enough to fill me up completely, and after the ritual, I could feel perfect during months without any physical contact, completely fulfilled.

This fulfilment, after some time in the way of Tantra, was each time more visible, even in the distance. There was a time when I was working very hard, and for some days and I nearly didn’t get any sleep, I felt a lack of energy. It had been a long time since I had done a Tantric ritual. One day I had worked particularly hard, I lay down on the floor, exhausted but with an open and happy heart. I closed my eyes and suddenly, without expecting it, a ball of energy was created at my feet, it started turning very quickly and it penetrated me, it went right through me, up my spine, giving me one of the most powerful orgasms I have ever experienced, and once again I was completely full. The next day my level of energy increased so much I could finish working without feeling tired at all.

So what else could happen? Maybe you think all of this is very nice, but you want to have a partner for yourself… Well, if you are ready to hear more miracles I’ll tell you that after some time, in a seminar, I did the shamanic practise “connexion with the ideal”, something very difficult for me. After doing the exercise with the tutors, and receiving a very high dose of energy that helped me to achieve it, they explained I had to be in touch with my ideal, I should dance for him every day, communicate with him… but he did not have a physical body. It wasn’t easy for me to connect with a being that had not a physical body, and I felt ridiculous many times, even when I imagined I was dancing. But I kept on doing it and after 6 months I met a man that was exactly as the man I saw in my rituals for the ideal. He was very handsome, successful, open… And he fell in love with me. One month after our meeting we started out a relationship  in a level I had never experienced before: ha treated me like a Goddess, he gave me his credit card so I could buy anything I needed, and as I spent so little he would tell me: Why do you spend so little? You must spend more! Buy all that you need! He gave me all the presents I could imagine. I had never had a partner who protected me in such a level, and as he had supreme experiences with me, so unusual, as he could feel in me a feminine state he had never found before but his soul was searching for (because men are also thirsty for something deeper) he opened up and decided learning Tantra also.

I must confess I committed only one mistake I can regret. As many other women, I had this program that I had to share everything with my close friends. Also, I didn’t have the self confidence I have now. So after the Tantra ritual, as if I was a teenager, I called all of my friends to tell them about what happened. I was expecting from some of them they would confirm I had taken the right decision, talking with the others was merely a habit. Of course it was not a common experience, so they couldn’t understand it; it was just a waste of time. My energetic experience was being discussed in public, I had to justify myself, explain everything… But even something funny happened with two of my friends. When they heard about my experience thy said: We want to do it too!! And they ran to call the Teacher up, but he didn’t recommend the same ritual to them, because their individuality and needs for developing were different. So they felt jealous and started a battle against us. If I could turn back time, sharing my experience that way would be the only thing I would erase. Today I know that precisely the energetic experiences that develop you must remain within you, so the magical alchemy may happen. When they are released and shared with others that way, without a meaning or for public confirmation, you loose part of what you achieved with great effort. Only now, after many years, I am sharing again this story to help other women and men, so they can understand that another way of having a relationship and using sensual energy is possible.

Throughout the years I have seen many other women initiated and I may say they all are rejuvenated, better with their partners, with themselves and with God. Some of them felt, for a while, they were the owners of the Teachers, as if they were their private property, or their husbands. But with great love, the Teachers taught them, little by little, that what they were doing was energetic work, and their interest for them was pure love for the soul, not the personal love of the egoistic kind.

My deepest gratitude to Altai Chi, whom taught these Masters in such a high level!! And to the Tantra Masters that give their life to complete the mission of openning people to the love.